Introduction
Writing my first blog post was a real challenge. I must confess, I wasn’t sure where to begin. After scouring the internet for ideas, I realized none of them resonated with me. It’s only natural to feel insecure when embarking on something new. They say stepping out of your comfort zone is exhilarating (though it doesn’t always feel that way, does it?).
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’ve felt that too. That uncertainty of whether anyone will pay attention to what you have to say or if your efforts will go unnoticed. I’m right there with you, feeling the same self-doubt as I write this post. But one thing I’ve learned is that you never know unless you try.
So today, I want to talk about new beginnings and the fear that often accompanies them – what psychologists call Neophobia. It’s something we all face, whether it’s starting a new job, saying goodbye to someone, or even reading a new blog post (like you’re doing right now). Let’s delve into the heart of this topic.
Understanding the Fear
Have you ever stopped to think about what holds us back from trying new things? I never did, not until recently. I’d find myself procrastinating or sabotaging my own efforts, all in the name of self-care or staying within my comfort zone. But as I started exploring this topic, I realized that this self-searching journey had a profound impact on my life from day one.
Here are some common barriers that prevent us from embracing new experiences:
Fear of Evaluation and Self-Condemnation
These two often go hand in hand. We’ve been conditioned by society to care about the opinions of others, even when they don’t really matter. The fear of what people might think can lead to crippling self-doubt and self-condemnation. It’s a painful realization that the way we see ourselves is often shaped by external validation.
Behavioral indicators: Some individuals avoid socializing, experience a fear of evaluation, exhibit anxiety, avoid eye contact, and fear being ridiculed. Those with this fear often have low self-esteem, seek excuses, and are afraid of deviating from the norm.
Self-talk you tend to do: What will they think? Am I too old to start something new? Am I crazy for leaving a stable job? Do I even deserve this?
Fear of Failure
This fear is closely tied to a sense of shame. The notion of not being perfect or not executing something flawlessly can lead to a fear of being seen as inadequate in the eyes of others (a recurrence of the fear of evaluation).
Behavioral indicators: This fear can be so overpowering that it paralyzes individuals and extinguishes any inclination to attempt or learn new things. People often erect barriers in their paths to evade encounters with failure. For instance, reaching out to a client during their lunch break when they are typically unavailable can serve as an excuse to avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation where the fear of failure looms large.
Self-talk you tend to do: What if I fail? Why bother trying? Once a failure, always a failure. I deserved it because I didn’t try enough. Success is a linear process. Failure is for losers.
Fear of Success (yes, success)
I froze when I heard about this one for the first time in a podcast. I was like – this is so obvious and so awful. The fear of success stems not from the success itself but from the potential consequences that accompany it, such as new responsibilities, complications, and an increased level of accountability. Additionally, individuals might fear that their envisioned dream will not align with the reality they encounter.
Behavioral indicators: This fear is particularly prevalent among individuals who were ingrained with the belief during childhood that standing out is perilous and that being special is dangerous. Notably, women tend to grapple with the fear of success more frequently.
Self-talk you tend to do: How will my success change my life? Will I lose my friends? Will I have to sacrifice time with my family? Do I possess the necessary knowledge and expertise to embark on this journey? How will I manage my numerous ongoing projects?
Perfectionism
The pursuit of perfection often takes root during childhood, where a child only receives parental love when they have “earned” it through tangible achievements. Conversely, any failures are often sharply criticized and unfavorably compared to others’ successes, leading to a sense of inadequacy.
Behavioral indicators: Perfectionists typically define their success based on productivity and a string of accomplishments. Any misstep or deviation from the plan can significantly impact their self-esteem. The pressure to be flawless often extends to their expectations from family members as well.
Characterizing behavior: Perfectionists tend to seek validation and benchmarks of success in others, constantly comparing themselves to their peers. They are adept at self-criticism and consistently identifying their own shortcomings, thus perpetuating the cycle of the fear of evaluation.
Self-talk you tend to do: It’s either perfect or nothing. How can I think about anything else when the dishes are not done? I have to complete this today, or everything will fall apart. I am alone in this; no one will do it as well as I can. My to-do list is endless, and I will never have enough time to finish everything.
The Path Forward
Recognizing and acknowledging these fears and their roots is the first step toward overcoming them. It’s about embracing them as a part of who we are and not letting them control us. To get started, I have a small exercise for you. Take your time with this and only proceed when you feel ready.
- Reflect on the fears that might be holding you back.
- Accept these fears as a part of your journey, and forgive anyone who might have contributed to them.
- Identify instances of self-sabotage and procrastination, and understand how these fears impact your life.
This analysis will set the stage for the practical steps outlined in my next post on “How to Overcome the Fear of Starting Something New.” These strategies have been pivotal in my own journey, and I’m optimistic they’ll be just as helpful for you. Let’s keep moving forward together!